Skip to content

The Worst Thing About The Worst Thing To Watch

I seriously think I’m about to take a two week Leafs break, but so you won’t forget me when I’m gone…

What’s the most painful part of this horrible Leafs season?

Having a ‘92 Sharks-level forward group?

Jason Blake actually getting worse?

ToskaLOL?

Wondering, after 101 games, what the hell Wilson is teaching them?

That I can’t enjoy our one elite player without thinking ‘TAYLORHALLTAYLORHALL’ whenever he touches the puck?

3 wins in 19 games?

I’m actually pretty sure it’s this shit.

AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH

What the fuck? SERIOUSLY WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL IS THIS?

Take it away, Joe ‘Fluffer of the 416′ Warmington:

The Celtic guitar riffs, the haunting bagpipes and the beat of the bodhran war drums set the tone perfectly!

It’s a battle cry and the kind of tune that urges one to charge up the hill to fight and swell up with pride at the same time. Good anthems do that. And the Maple Leafs are hoping this one will do that for them.

One thing for sure this new Maple Leaf fight song/anthem was the buzz of the Air Canada Centre at opening night Thursday.

It caught my ear right away. Catchy and powerful. I loved it right away

Seriously, Joe Warmington is the hackiest damn hack who ever charged a round of whisky sodas (seriously, go reread that a couple times, you picture soldiers inflating like Violet Beauregarde as they charge an embankment). I bet Garth Drabinsky, Tie Domi, and Rick & Marilyn could all line up to deuce in his mouth and he’d write it up like it was a free day at Canada’s Wonderland.

This song kills small woodland creatures if you play it to them. It’s more offensive than Jason Blake’s finishing. It speaks to the absolute worst stereotypes of delusion applied to Leaf fans. IT’S THE DUDE FROM GLASS TIGER. Even Helix would have done a way better job. It’s like a Leafs Nation branded version of ‘Kokomo’. When I die and go to hell for shoplifting Nintendo cards from Becker’s when I was 8 I will spend eternity watching Jason Blake shoot into a ‘CH’ and Bryan McCabe turn it over at the blue line with this damn song on a constant loop. This song is more evil than the love child of Hitler and Daniel Alfredsson, even if that love child spent 20-hours a day learning music from Michael Bolton and David Foster, with occasional puppy-eating breaks. It’s worse than ALF porn.

Have a great week everyone!

15 Comments

  1. Karina wrote:

    New Draft rankings were out today, Hall has fallen to #2, if that helps any.

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 10:45 pm | Permalink
  2. SCHUKE LENN wrote:

    That song is pure, unadultered evil. It must be dealt with, once and for all.

    KP

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 10:46 pm | Permalink
  3. kidkawartha wrote:

    We need to start a very serious petition to get the kibosh put on this POS song. I’m starting to think it’s literally cursing us.
    Any ideas for maximizing one?

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 10:47 pm | Permalink
  4. bkblades wrote:

    I have a feeling ALF porn features a lot of pussycats being eaten.

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 10:48 pm | Permalink
  5. goddtill wrote:

    ‘Any ideas for maximizing one?’

    Do you have a large truck and a few tons of fertilizer?

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 10:57 pm | Permalink
  6. kidkawartha wrote:

    No, I seriously mean what do we have to do to make the organization realize Leaf fans detest that goddamn song? That is not only needs to be replaced, but could be replaced with something light years better by the average 15 year old with a mixing program.
    I will honestly do whatever I can to help out in any effort.

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 11:08 pm | Permalink
  7. SCHUKE LENN wrote:

    @KidK

    Send letters to MLSE? (Well not the one on my blog, it’s too profane)

    Tuesday, November 17, 2009 at 11:20 pm | Permalink
  8. Kavel Pubina wrote:

    That song is the most condescending, pathetic piece of garbage I have ever heard. Its existence should be questioned.

    Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 12:16 am | Permalink
  9. Die Tomi wrote:

    that last paragraph was pure GOLD.

    Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 8:49 am | Permalink
  10. Dick RiPietro wrote:

    Godd..I think the beginning of that song was a shout out to you…There can’t be that many leaf fans in Vancouver can there? What do you mean EVEN Helix would do a better job…If Helix wrote the Leafs theme, you guys would be undefeated.

    Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 10:25 am | Permalink
  11. Sats Mundin wrote:

    Kill me. Kill me now.

    Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 11:15 am | Permalink
  12. kidkawartha wrote:

    My idea on what to do about this musical abortion is here-
    http://www.pensionplanpuppets.com/2009/11/20/1163955/what-are-you-doing-about-it

    Friday, November 20, 2009 at 9:34 pm | Permalink
  13. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYnkzWTjQr4

    Monday, November 23, 2009 at 4:41 pm | Permalink
  14. Bllan Aester wrote:

    Great work except for the low blow on ‘Kokomo’. Take that back you commie hippie.

    Tuesday, November 24, 2009 at 11:42 pm | Permalink
  15. Junior wrote:

    I can’t believe I missed this post when it first went up.

    “This song is more evil than the love child of Hitler and Daniel Alfredsson, even if that love child spent 20-hours a day learning music from Michael Bolton and David Foster, with occasional puppy-eating breaks. It’s worse than ALF porn.”

    Fucking nailed it. Well done.

    Friday, November 27, 2009 at 3:12 pm | Permalink

2 Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. uberVU - social comments on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 7:26 am

    Social comments and analytics for this post…

    This post was mentioned on Twitter by zambonicyouth: New ZY with the song that must die: http://www.zambonicyouth.com/?p=201...

  2. The Meatriarchy » Blog Archive » Dear Toronto Maple Leafs on Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 10:17 am

    [...] (5 weeks later) : Et Tu Godd Till? Obviously his tolerance is a little higher than mine. Note that we each had a final paragraph [...]

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared.