MF37: Hey guys, I just want to apologize for not posting much over here at Zambonic Youth. As both of you know, I’ve been really busy working on a screen play. It’s a feature length film based on the Eagles’ Witchy Woman.
Kim Jorn: I assumed you were traveling the world like Indiana Jones – fighting Nazis and caricatures of Indian people in a quest for the greatest prize of all: good jokes for part four of the Zambonic Youth Season Preview.
Godd Till: Part Four of the preview? Seems a little hasty for that. You can’t rush perfection.
MF37: Speaking of rushing perfection, for a day or two it looked like the Leafs rebuild/restructuring/renovation/nightmare might get a bit of a bump thanks to a deal with Chicago.
The Hawks were supposedly looking to move Sopel to free up his $2.33M cap hit. They’re not trading any of the core or their really talented kids. It’s a salary dump – pure and simple. The obvious two questions are:
1. What’s it going to take to get a deal with Chicago done (CHI needs an expiring contract) and;
2. How big a pick is going to come along with Sopel?
This always generates one of my favourite responses (and by “favourite” I really mean “habits I despise”) when fans talk the impossible trade.
How is it a pick and Sopel for an expiring contract (or any such realistic deal) always devolves into a variation of: “I’d rather have Kane/ Sharp/ Toews, Versteeg/ Barker/ Seabrook.”
Who wouldn’t? They’re not on the table. Sopel is. Let’s stick to the deal at hand.
KJ: I see that dog-eared copy of The Wit and Wisdom of Donald Rumsfeld I lent you has been put to good use. You go into a trade with the players you have, not the players you want.
Speaking of which, I’d trade Steen and/or Carlo Colaiacovo for Sopel and a pick.
GT: It makes sense that the Sopel deal is dead. Burke shouldn’t have taken anything less than a second for taking on that pylon. I don’t get why CHI doesn’t just stick him in the A. Wait, that didn’t come out right.
KJ: I don’t think other teams have the same willingness as Toronto (supposedly) to sink costs in the AHL.
I had a similar discussion with another Leafs fan the other day about trading for Sopel and putting him on the Marlies. It doesn’t seem right to me. I’m really uncomfortable with the idea of punishing a guy for no reason other than the fact that a GM gave him too much money. I mean, that is pretty much the end of Sopel’s career.
It sucked when the Devils did it to Mogilny, and it might even seem unfair when the Leafs do it to Blake. I realize these guys can find consolation by rolling around like a grad student in their giant pile of filthy lucre, but it ain’t right. Just another reason we can all be thankful for the lockout and missing a year of hockey and the salary cap. You’re the best, Gary!
MF37: Here’s another recent trend that makes me want to eat red hot liquefied hockey pucks: all the Leaf content pondering which centre should play with Kessel. The Leafs have three options and none of them are any good.
I’m also misanthropic over all the big brains stating Kessel needs more support.
No shit.
What’s next? “In Hockey, team with higher score wins” or “Talent+Hard Work = Wins” or maybe “Don Cherry Says the Craziest Things”
KJ: *shakes head sadly* Hockey is not a goal-scoring competition.
GT: What about trying Kessel at Centre? He’s played there before, and it could give defences some matchup problems with the way he plays. He can clearly pass. A line of Poni, Kessel, and Hagman could score some goals I think.
MF37: Bring on 1,000 monkeys at 1,000 laptops, posting 1,000 blog entries about who Kessel’s wingers should be…
What if 15 years from now we’re all debating whether Kessel goes into the hall of fame and the argument hinges on the fact that Kessel never had a premiere centre to play with during his time in Toronto? It’s like Sundin redux.
KJ: What if, in 15 years, we’re talking about how a cranky old white haired guy – with a heart of gold reportedly lurking beneath that gruff exterior – doomed the Leafs to a full decade of ridicule and embarrassment?
GT: It’s more white-blond hair. We’re talking about Jason Blake, right?
MF37: I was thinking we should add a weekly metric to our roundtable for how low we feel as Leaf fans. Maybe base it on fathoms or some other measure of depth (or conversely, buoyancy).
I guess I’ll ask it another way, what are we watching instead of Leafs hockey?
KJ: I watched Star Wars a few nights ago for the first time in a long time. The only way I could be guaranteed to see the good guys win for once.
GT: Oooh, that’s a good idea. I’m gonna go watch Savage v. Flair at Wrestlemania VIII.
KJ: I keep having this dream in which Burke forgot to announce that the picks he traded for Kessel are lottery protected. Then I wake up with excruciating pain in my back and a cat sitting on my head and real life comes crashing back down on me.
MF37: The Leafs made me want to watch one my favourite movies: Cool Hand Luke. The good guy valiantly struggles, can’t make it in the system and gets killed in the end.
GT: I bet Luke Schenn could eat 50 hard boiled eggs. Might explain his play this season.
MF37: Back to Star Wars: are Burke’s Leafs like the second round of Star Wars movies? We expected a thrill ride and instead got too much expository dialogue, poor performances and are left looking back at what was, what could have been?
KJ: Perfect! Vesa Toskala as Jar-Jar and Jason Blake as that blonde kid who starts out nice enough (but annoying) and turns out to be the most evil person in the universe.
What were we talking about again? A shame metric?
How’s this: I watched the Carolina game instead of Empire Strikes Back because I was late getting home from work. Two brutal calls went against the Leafs that essentially cost them the game (you know, in addition to blowing a three goal lead, taking stupid penalties, and the Monster making me long for the good ol’ Raycroft days).
My blood pressure and voice never rose. The remote control remained in my hand, rather than in pieces on the floor. I chuckled instead of yelling. I kinda felt like the Leafs deserved what they got. I think that is a pretty good summary of how I feel as a Leafs fan right now.
GT: And I didn’t even watch. That sums it up for me.
MF37: Is anyone else tired of the Leafs’ so-called moral victories? What’s so moral about being a talentless hockey club and losing a lot of games by one goal?
Unlike Thierry Henry, the teams the Leafs are playing aren’t cheating to win. Leafs have suffered bad calls in, what, three of their 18 losses this year? (Game 2 vs. Sens; a no goal call against Chicago; and that weird double-minor in Carolina).
KJ: Even if the Leafs win those three games, their record is still 7-18 (I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize overtime losses).
It isn’t like the one game playoff in the AL Central this year, when the missed hit-batter call on Brandon Inge clearly cost the Tigers the game, the Central pennant, and ultimately a chance at the World Series.
Those kind of blown calls are the ones that really twist the dagger in your gut, the kind that take months or years to get over.
In a world where terrible, brutal, heartbreaking injustices like that occur, it’s pretty hard to get worked up about calls that go against this year’s Leafs team.
As for moral victories…does firing 58 shots into the chest of Dwayne Roloson in a losing effort count as a moral victory? Honest to god, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I would rather the Leafs play the trap.
Back in the day when Quinn was running and gunning and the Senators were just running…well I always said that I would rather the Leafs lose 6-5 than win 1-0 while playing the left-wing lock. I was wrong.
GT: I don’t care what style they play, I just wish we were watchable again.
One of the reasons last year was relatively painless for me as a fan (besides having our 1st round draft pick) was that I knew things would get better. Besides Kessel, it seems like every single player has regressed this season. Mind-blowing.
KJ: This season was supposed to be like an awesome bash. If anything, we can take a lesson from Dazed and Confused: When the beer delivery guy turns up early and your parents are still home and you have to cancel the kegger because mom and dad decide not to go away for the weekend, there’s always a beer bash at the moon tower. Phil Kessel is our moon tower.
MF37: That’s what I hate about the Toronto Maple Leafs, man, I get older and they still lose just the same.
18 Comments
Genius, boys. Too good. This one was my favourite LOLer:
…and Jason Blake as that blonde kid who starts out nice enough (but annoying) and turns out to be the most evil person in the universe.
And Kessel’s linemates should totally be, well, the guys you said: Hagman and Poni. Way to kill a potential blog post, you bastards.
Love this feature. More.
“How’s this: I watched the Carolina game instead of Empire Strikes Back because I was late getting home from work.”
How is it possible to be late from work when your office is 8 feet from your bedroom?
Did you trip on the cat, smash your head on the floor and pass out all day?
Kessel seems to be doing fine without this mythical center. Much the same way the Sundin did fine without the mythical winger (more or less)
Hagman should not play on the same line as Kessel.
Kessel gives opposing teams a legitimate threat that they have to shut down. So Kessel will see the checking line now as teams are determined to prevent him from scoring.
Ergo Hagman has more room out there which leads to….. 5 goals in his past 5 games!
This is my requisite comment so that Godd Till doesn’t message me on gchat in the middle of the night sobbing (yes, he types in the tears) about my aloofness:
I like this post. I like when you people post. Please do this more.
Also, these guys are professional athletes. I was going to say that it made them well aware of the need to live up to contracts but I think that’s crazy. It makes them well aware that once they sign on the dotted line they are set for life. Maybe seeing a bum like Sopel or a guy like Blake that refuses to change his worst habits get dumped in the A and have his career essentially ended might make them realise that the contract isn’t meant to be solely a reward for past play as much as a down payment on future (and improved) play.
There. Happy?
‘It isn’t like the one game playoff in the AL Central this year, when the missed hit-batter call on Brandon Inge clearly cost the Tigers the game, the Central pennant, and ultimately a chance at the World Series.’
This.
I didn’t think there was anyone left in the universe who cared about the Tigers.
Anything that steals points from the Leafs is a crime against humanity.
‘I didn’t think there was anyone left in the universe who cared about the Tigers. ‘
Big words from a Jays fan. Call me when you break 15,000 and and it’s not Red Sox or Yankees fans.
“Game 2 vs. Sens; a no goal call against Chicago; and that weird double-minor in Carolina”
You forgot the fake high stick on Ribero against dallas that cost us the game. Or the goal called back in over time against carolina with “Intent to blow the whistle”. Plenty of poor calls this year. Not saying Toronto is a great team but they have been screwed by the refs this year. Luck is not on their side.
Each of those calls can be directly attributed to the leafs losing points in those games. If you add those 4 calls (Ribero and the 3 you mentioned) as 1 pt the team is at 21 pts and 5 out of the playoff spot instead of 9.
We’d all feel better being only 5 out of a play off spot.
Cooper – you’re right, I did forget those calls. Even if they had gone the Leafs way, they might not beat the Stars and they likely still lose to Chicago. Call it a split and give the Leafs two more points in the standings (woo-hoo, we’re 28th!).
Not exactly something to hang the season on.
As for the OT goal in Carolina, the Leafs might have had a case if a single player lifted a stick or celebrated. Hard to argue it’s a goal if nobody acts like it should be one.
I was going to start one of those pointless “who won the Series last” arguments, but then I actually checked and I just feel bad for Tigers fans. 1 year less than the Leaf’s drought. Ouch.
The Leafs won the Cup in 1983?
The Tigers and the Jays are both shit.
Argument over.
Wish the Jays could find $250M this summer to spend…
Back to the post though: Great picture. Had to do some outreach at work at a high school yesterday. Saw a couple of Quarter Girls.
Big words from a Jays fan. Call me when you break 15,000 and and it’s not Red Sox or Yankees fans.
WHAT THE FUCK?????????????????1
Holy cow, Godd is right. Well, at the rate of 4 World Series per century, you only have to wait approximately 21 years for the next one. Which may actually be before the Jays or Leafs win again.
Savage v. Flair at Wrestlemania VIII was a great match to be sure. The buildup to it too, with the doctored photos of Elizabeth! But, I prefer Warrior v. Savage at WrestleMania VII, only for the footage of the women crying when Elizabeth saves Savage from the wrath of Sensational Sherri.
‘But, I prefer Warrior v. Savage at WrestleMania VII, only for the footage of the women crying when Elizabeth saves Savage from the wrath of Sensational Sherri.’
Definitely a close call, both are in top 3 Savage matches ever (with Steamboat, natch). The reuniting of Randy and Liz is such an all time classic mark-out moment.
Always bugs me that the Warrior kicks out of FIVE big elbows though.
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