Last Saturday night’s Leafs game was one of the very worst I watched in the five goddamn years I’ve been bearing witness to the Leafs voyage along the ocean floor of the NHL. Were there multiple flukey goals against? Kessel looked actually human? Oh, sure I guess. To be honest, I was Christmas shopping (Kim Jorn – Toby Keith’s Greatest Hits, Bitter – Season Two of Mr Belvedere – don’t tell!) and missed the first, and by the third it was so bad I was mostly watching Boornleh-Portsmouth. But I saw, nay, I heard far more than anyone should have to hear. Apparently the CBC thought that the excruciating pain I suffer most Saturdays by a) watching this Leafs team, who I believe have one Sat nite win all year and b) having their games called by Jim Hughson, a man so hammy there isn’t enough mustard in the ACC to cover him and Craig Simpson, who delivers his non-analysis with all the dead-eyed ennui of an aging porno actor, needed just that extra touch of zazz.
So they called in Mike Milbury.
Milbury’s Don Cherry-lite shtick is tiresome enough among the other tired blowhards on the Satellite Fartcave (the only media outlet ever to fire Al Strachan and get worse), where his belligerence only underlines that deep down, he knows how laughable the spectacle of the worst general manager of the last twenty years, in any sport (2 Isiah, 3 Millen), parsing out his tidbits of ‘insight’ really is. But in the booth, coming up with nuggets of wisdom on the fly? This was Rascal Flatts bad. The Room bad. Listening to his laughable defence of Blake Wheeler’s attempted paralysis of Ian White, I had a thought in my mind that shocked me – ‘I really wish Pierre McGuire was calling this game.’
Ridiculous, right? Pierre McGuire, the universally loathed ‘McSplooge’ of internet rage. When I told Bitter the name of this post, he just replied ‘wow.’ Kim Jorn launched into a string of expletives, and demanded I point out that Pierre ‘is a sitting next to Beetlejuice in the waiting room looking motherfucker’ with a head too small for his body.
I get all that. But I find, despite his many irritating tics, that I generally really enjoy Pierre’s work calling the games. Sure, his fawning over young players is pretty embarrassing. But he does it because he genuinely loves hockey and he’s excited to see new players make their mark. That excitement sure as hell beats Simpson, who sounds more bored than a tranquilized cat listening to Radiohead. And he also gives genuine insight. He may not have been a great coach, but he still has a coach’s eye for the telling detail and an unwillingness to fall back on lazy cliches.
One example: when I was watching the Habs get embarrassed by Toronto last week, he showed Scott Gomez break in for a good chance, only to be denied. Instead of saying the usual drivel about how the puck just wasn’t going in for Gomez right now, he just needs to keep putting it on net, etc. Instead, McGuire brought back the replay and excoriated Gomez for not following the rebound to the net, instead taking the easy way out and drifting into the corner. I know it’s a little thing, but this attention to the details of what’s actually happening on the ice – not petty moralizing or talking points about ‘what this means to the season’ – is the hallmark of Pierre’s work. I know that I learn something more often then not when he’s calling the game. And when I saw Montreal’s win against Boston later that week, I saw Butt End Plekanec shoot from a similar possession, follow his rebound directly to the net, and pop in a goal. The last thing I learned from watching Hughson or Simpson is how expensive it is to hire hitmen in the GTA.
16 Comments
This fulfills my obligation to comment:
I agree that McGuire is at least intelligent. However, it’s the delivery that loses me every time. Of course, compared to the murderer’s row of Milbury, Hughson, and Simpson he sounds like Vin Scully.
Fucking bang on – from the correctly identified lunacy of Hot Stove adding by subtraction, to the undoubtedly true, nevertheless near incredible observation that McGuire is a superior broadcaster EVEN THOUGH HE IS SHOUTING AND FAWNING, bloody bang on.
Don’t forget to pick up some stocking stuffers for the lads – maybe a subscription to Hockeybuzz and an autographed photo of Nick Kypreos?
I for one have never understood the hatred people have of McGuire. I have always enjoyed his analysis.
Especially during a game the instant after a goal has been scored he can break it down to minute detail as the replay is being pulled up. Compared to Simpson who’s stock analysis of every goal is that the goalie was too far back in the blue paint.
As I said on my own blog recently Hughson and Simpson sound like the kind of on-air “talent” you hear on Centre Ice when you are watching two Southern US teams like Atlanta and Nashville playing each other (and then you realize why hockey isn’t catching on down there).
My father-in-law who is also a die hard leafs fan but lives on the East Coast told me two weeks ago he switched over to the habs game because he couldn’t bear listening to Hughson any more and at least the Habs had Bob Cole calling the game.
McGuire is one of those guys everyone loves to hate but then when he is not there you realize he is probably a lot better than you gave him credit for.
Like Mike Harris. HAHAHA I totally went there. Pay your 407 bill you schnorrer!!!
MONSTER UPDATE!!!1
No, really. Good stu… MONSTER!!!1 I mean, MONSTER!!!1 MONSTER!!!1 MONSTER!!!1
I’m with you on the “better than Hughson and Simpson” thing, most of HNiC really. I’d stop well short of saying I enjoy his analysis though. He strikes me as what Hughson would be if he ever watched hockey instead of just reading the first three names on each team’s salary list.
MONSTER!!!1
Great write up.
I actually like Pierre Mcguire calling games. His analysis is spot on, and yes, I do learn something all the time listening to him.
Along with your listing of Millen, Hughson & Milbury as terrible annoucers should be Paul Hendrick at the top of the list.
Hendrick is the WORST game announcer the Leafs have. And it’s not even close.
William H. Macy IS Paul Hendrick IN “Thanks For This: The Paul Hendrick Story”
Now it all makes sense. I too could defend Pierre Maguire if the alternative is the tragic trifecta of Simpson, Hughson and Milbury.
Oh, and thanks in advance for the Mr. Belvedere DVD, it’s going to go beautifully with my complete series collections of Benson, the Nanny, Who’s the Boss and Diff’rent Strokes. I still can’t belive Geoffrey G never got his own spin-off series from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. As you well know, there’s nothing better than a sitcom based on domestic servants.
DID YOU KNOW???
G is on the board of the Globe Theatre.
Coming from Europe and having made the quantum leap from radio to streaming coverage only about one year ago my judgment may be premature but I neither have found the hate for McGuire reasonable. He really gives insight that is helpful to understand the game even though his demeanor is questionable from time to time. Maybe it’s not being a native speaker that makes it all bearable for me – the same is most likely valid for lyrics of popular music… What I do find quite likable about McGuire though is that he judges the players’ actions on ice and not their nationalities. He even pronounces surnames correctly. Unlike Cherry whose recurring *Good Canadian boy!* or *What’s his name?* remarks are tiresome. Even though he usually provides good insight as well Cherry’s attitude is precarious and annoying. There’s hardly an episode of *Coach’s Corner* that I don’t secretly use my (overpaid defensive defenseman) finger to show him what I’m thinking of his last utterances.
As for Hughson and Simpson – their plan is simple: find some guy on the opposing team having a good game and then hail this one in abundance. Cf. Crosby, Mason Raymond (vs. Vancouver), Ovechkin or Savard (last Saturday). The only nice thing about Hughson is that he reminds me of EA Sports’ NHL Series back in the day – or is still the featured play-by-play guy?
Like Mike Harris. HAHAHA I totally went there. Pay your 407 bill you schnorrer!!!
That right there is the best line in this post.
Thanks Bllan!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OsQOVYAsEms
imho, the cbc play-by-play is much improved without the faltering cole. at least hughson can keep up with the play.
still agree with your mcguire sentiments, though.
The good thing about Saturday night broadcasts is if you are in TO (or have internet handy) you can turn down the HNIC sound and turn up Bonesy!
This post was a MONSTER!!!!!!1
I have always hated Hughson. Probably because playing the NHL series for a decade having to hear his stupid dribble just got so tiresome. (Admittingly the new ‘announcer for NHL 10 is horrible…why can’t they get Rick Jeanneret or Bob Cole..someone who’s fun to listen to) Pierre McGuire really is a great announcer. Whatever you wanna say about his broners for Mike Richards or Dion Phaneuf, he at least can follow a game and point stuff out to you. And if you can watch a World Juniors game and say you hate having him as an announcer, I never wanna meet you. Ever. (Pierre McGuires MONSTER is…. PIERRE MCGUIRE!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!)
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[...] presence was the straw that broke the camel’s back. How bad was it? Godd Till actually wrote a post about how it made him realise Pierre McGuire’s genius. Put aside the fact that the very idea of having him present his opinions on anything related to [...]
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